back in the saddle again

After a prolonged dry spell in that particular realm, I met someone on an online dating service, and exchanged a couple of emails. She then tells me about an upcoming, week-long trip out of town and that she might be MIA from e-mail during that time. Cool. So, we make plans to go out for a drink when she comes back. While she's away she emails and asks if I still want to go out when she comes back. I respond in the affirmative, giver her my phone number and ask her to call me.

"Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but I prefer not to give out my number, so is it alright if we make plans via email? I'm free after Saturday."

So, in a polite but firm manner I remind her that I didn’t ask for her number; I was simply giving her mine so that she could call me, since I like to break the ice over the phone before going out w/someone. Also, I'm thinking why the fuck does it matter that I have her number?! I mean, we're actually going to meet in person, after all...I don't hear from her for a few days and feeling like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon ("I'm too old for this shit") I consider it a done deal. Then...

Three days later I get an e-mail from her in which she omits any mention of the phone number discussion, apologizes for not writing back earlier and asks if I want to do something together the following evening. Since I'm a bit annoyed with the phone number thing I think, "I'm gonna name the place and if she has a problem with it I'll just bail." Surprisingly, she accepts and mentions she likes the bar in question.

The particular bar I chose was based on the fact that bartending on Sunday nights is a female friend who is quite fond of me—no drama: she's got a girlfriend—and will take care of me as far as the tab is concerned. And once she knows I'm on a date she'll make me look even better. Not that I think there will be a second date; I'm not feeling the first one and it hasn't even begun. But I figure I'll lay out the charm, regardless, and see what happens.

The Date:

It was nice. Quite a few laughs; no pregnant pauses. She was engaging and I was my usual charming self.

Some random thoughts:

- I had a feeling she would be one of those people that greets you with a handshake on a date…and she was. [shakes head]

- She wasn’t dressed for a date. I wasn’t expecting a red carpet-approved gown or anything like that. I myself didn’t wear a suit jacket or a tie—she doesn’t know me and isn’t aware I routinely dress that way, and might've thought I was trying too hard to impress her—I just wore my lucky garment: a psychedelic dark blue shirt with little flowers, which she complimented me on at the end of the date (see below). I thought she would’ve worn something that said “I’m making a bit of an effort here” not “I’m gonna get some groceries and, oh yeah, I gotta pass by the bar for a first date.”

- A slow Sunday at the bar? Sure. But not the day before a holiday: by a crazy coincidence about half a dozen women I know were there and they all made a point to come to our table and say hi. (Including one who was all flirty and complimentary with me, as usual.) “You’re very popular”, remarked my date. She didn’t seem at all bothered by it, thankfully.

- When she was leaving I told her I thought she was much prettier in person. (She actually is.) How did she respond? Blushing and smiling she said, “I don’t know how to take that.” (Huh?) So, I made a joke about how I could’ve said I was disappointed that she was not as attractive as the pictures she posted online, that she pulled a bait and switch, etc etc. (Which was a roundabout way of me saying how silly she was being about it.) She laughed, thanked me, and said something nice about my shirt. We talked about seeing each other again soon—when her jetlag is gone and she feels better—and hugged goodnight.

Bottom line: It felt like a first and last date. It was obvious we both had a nice time but I felt few sparks; her body language didn’t exactly say the opposite, either. I have a feeling in the next couple of days I’m getting an e-mail—not a phone call, heh heh—saying, “I had a nice time, but…” I'm cool either way.

Next.

dude acts like a lady

Recent conversation with a female friend, who asks...

"When did become women?"

"You mean, metrosexuals and the like?"

"No, I mean, because my recent romantic experiences have been all about dudes being ambivalent, ambiguous, and sending mixed messages. And I'm not used to that. It's always been crystal clear when you guys are into it. What is this shit?"

"Oh, easy: plenty of dudes have decided to give women a taste of your own medicine. We've had a lifetime of dealing with supposed confusion and flakiness and now there are guys enjoying purposely turning the tables on women. A 'see if you like it' approach, as it were."

"Damn, that sucks! I mean, the best thing about dating you guys was knowing for sure if you were interested or not."

And so it goes...