dyslexic heart (part 3)

Some 18 moths after our last “talk”, Patty emails me her new phone number and proposes we catch up with each other sometime in the near future. Despite my engaging in trysts with other girls and Patty having more baggage than an airport terminal, I thought about her constantly during our time apart. So, against my better judgment—and hoping she’s had time to reflect and change her mind about us—I accept her invitation. Patty and I meet up for drinks and afterwards head back to my place and talk turns to relationships. She tells me about falling for a dude that turned out to be a putz; severing all ties with her ex-girlfriend after she cockblocked her with a former college buddy of Alessandra’s that Patty was really interested in; moving in and out of various apartments, culminating in the current uncomfortable roommate situation; and how she’d been feeling lonely and undesired. Copious amounts of alcohol had been flowing, so I took her tales of woe as my cue and made my move. And yes, you guessed it: we had sex. Once again, awesome. But her feelings for me hadn’t changed. So soon enough we were back in that same pattern of yore.

Here comes the pain.

Upon hearing of this new development, my dear friend Bernadette—who’d previously met Patty and knew all about our history—was not amused. Frankly, she was pissed.

“I don’t like this girl.”

“Listen, I don’t blame you for going back to her, ‘cause in your place I probably would’ve done the same, truth be told. But she’s lonely, her self-esteem’s in the gutter, and she comes running back to you ‘cause she knows you’ll take care of her physically and emotionally. But as soon as she finds some other guy or starts feeling better about herself, she’s gonna ditch you. And I’m already hating her for it.”

Bernadette was right, but knowing that didn’t stop me or make me care any less about Patty. My dick and my heart had really taken over my brain. Again.

After a few months of my shenanigans with Patty I began to sense that this go-around was different: I started to feel that even though I wasn’t seeking her out—she was the one calling and asking to come over—Patty was indeed taking me for granted and becoming more of an emotional vampire than ever before. And when she brusquely pushed me aside one day, as I was trying to get her to have sex with me, I knew this thing had run its course. That the incident occurred while I was looking after Patty for a couple of days at my place, after being unceremoniously asked to move out by her roommate, seemed to seal her fate with me. I was cold and distant—which she sensed and then tried to make up for, to no avail—up until she left. I later remembered how I’d been in a similar situation in college, with a girl a few years older than me named Diana, and how that bullshit lasted for years thereafter. I realized I was making the same stupid mistake all over again, but 20 years later. Had I not learned anything?!

I decided to extricate myself from Patty and, instead of simply avoiding her phone calls, I’d lay down the law the next time we saw each other.